If DC ever created their own FF - The Mash-up with a Singular Purpose Edition

To see my three previous proposals for DC’s own Fantastic Four, click here, here and here.

This post was inspired by this post over at MGK. The crux of MGK’s post was that Firestorm is too powerful and too stupid (when Ronnie Raymond is in charge) and has too any lame villains to be great.

Of course, because of this post the fact that I like Firestorm is well known. Also, let me make it crystal clear to everyone that I like Firestorm the way he is (except for the puffy sleeves), but this is just a proposal…

Anyhoo, I didn’t agree with the Firestorm is “too powerful and too stupid” bit and as creative person, I thought to myself: “Self, Firestorm is not too powerful and is not too dumb, but what if…”

So, here’s the team. The first pick is…you guessed it…

1] Firestorm

However, this isn’t the normal Firestorm familiar to fans. This is one is slightly different – a third at most. After teaming up with the JSA to fight Dr. Alchemy and a JSA big evil, ol’ flamehead is accidently (?) merged with Michael Holt a.k.a. Mr. Terrific. This new Firestorm now also possesses Terrific’s power of being invisible to technology as well as having Terrific’s intelligence (when he’s in the driver’s seat which is pretty often). Unbeknownst to the new Firestorm, the merger (and combined power set) has some dangerous consequences by putting him in the crosshairs of a new enemy that may be unstoppable): A Superior Artificial Intelligence (SAI) from a far-future possible post-technological-singularity timeline.

Okay, what’s a SAI? Well, nobody knows for sure, there are a gazillion different interpretations/definitions and the truth is I haven’t kept up with these debates in some years. Anyway, this is comic book writing and not Hard Science Fiction writing. In other words we can make a lot of crap up as we go along.

Theoretically:
· SAI will be more intelligent than any human being (think of it as an unfathomable mass of computing power or intelligence);
· SAI will be extremely unpredictable (to us, because we’re only human);
· SAI might be able to upload every human consciousness and if “friendly” it might invite us to this big upload – like being friended or poked on Facebook;
· SAI might be able to improve our intelligence after uploaded (if it so chose);
· SAI will be able to self-replicate (specifically build a better version of itself to replace itself);
· SAI might be able manipulate physical space on a large (e.g. terraform the earth on a molecular level)
· SAI will be uncontainable once it is “born.”

There is one big requirement (at least in my funny book story), the technological singularity must first occur. This is the point where our technological development reaches the point where a SAI can be created or simply develops from the critical mass of technological advancement.

So what is it about the NEW Firestorm that has this uber-powerful intelligence / techno-god so spooked? Is the SAI more scared of Firestorm with Terrific’s IQ or of Firestorm with Terrific’s power or all of the above? There may be some solid theoretical clues earlier in this post…Anyway, the SAI sends a probe (or portion of itself) to the present to go after Firestorm and 3 other heroes.

Funny thing about probes sent by SAIs, if they re-unite in future they might be speaking totally different languages, because they would develop exponentially in different ways…

The other members of the team:

2] Blue Beetle (Jaime Reyes)

I solidly believe that the Jaime Reyes Blue Beetle would be best served on a four member team. I’m still a Ted Kord fan, but Jaime really fits this story since The Reach’s objective will prevent the post-singularity SAI from occurring (being born / created). Yeah, this story is kind of a reverse Terminator story in a way…

3] Hawk

Maybe it’s the fact that Hawk represents Chaos or it maybe it’s the Extant time-travelling stuff, but for some reason the SAI really hates Hawk. Maybe it just finds Hawk obnoxious...

4] Green Lantern Raker Qarrigat

Ha! You thought I was going to say Dove, right? Where Hawk goes, Dove cannot be far behind or vice versa. Well, Dove is part of this story but NOT part of the team, because Dove represents Order and the SAI has identified Dove as a potential collaborator (say what?!).

Anyhoo...Raker Qarrigat – Green Lantern of Apokalips – is also another target of the SAI. Remember, the SAI can cut through many foggy logic swamps to come to the most elegant of conclusions.

The biggest threat to any earth-based SAI developing is the prior development of an alien SAI. The assumption is that another SAI would be hostile toward other SAIs or On-the-verge-of-SAI civilizations. Surveying the universe (and other dimensions), Apokalips is a prime candidate for the development of a rival SAI but for one little impediment: Darkseid and the gang. While Darkseid is in power an Apokaliptian SAI will not be allowed to develop for the simple reason that heads cannot bow when part of a SAI and there can be no Great Darkseid when SAI of Apokalips encompasses everything and everyone. There will be no hunger dogs.

The SAI has identified Raker Qarrigat as the biggest threat to Darkseid’s rule. So, it follows remove Raker, remove the possibility of a rival (probably more advanced) SAI that could come along to destroy Earth’s SAI.

The name game:

So, what do I call this team? Any Ideas?

More DeviantArt Fun: Hal is a perfect fit...

This is where Hal Jordan truly belongs. This ultimate truth is brought to us by the GL-fanclub on deviantArt.

Solving the Hal Jordan problem, because the ladies demanded it!

I solve hero problems, a least that’s what I’d like to put on an ad. So, when the heroines of the DCU hired me to rid them off a pesky skirt-chasing Hal Jordan who, as the ladies put it, “creates to an over-sexualized DCU” and “isn’t all that, anyway.”

Now, I’m not an assassin. Nor am I a lawyer. So, I can’t kill him or get a restraining order that prohibits Hal from coming within 2000 feet of planet Earth’s female population.

What I can do is come up with a solution to the problem, which I think I’ve done.

First, I boiled the problem down to its essence: In terms of relationships with the opposite sex, Hal Jordan is somewhat of a dog. Looking at this from a Pop Psychology Perspective, commitment-phobia is the term that comes to mind.

Dog...Commitment-phobia...Dog...Commitment-phobia...How do you teach an old dog new tricks? Commitment-phobia...Dog...Why is the old dog afraid to commit? Maybe he and Carol aren’t really meant to be? Maybe, he has too much of a roving eye?

Here’s what I was thinking....

Set Hal up with someone else.

Requirements? Must love dogs! Just joking.

Okay, here I went with the suggestions of DCU heroines. Firstly, she should be a superheroine, because a lot of Hal’s flirtatious behaviour occurs while on the job. Secondly, she’s got be able to put Hal in his place when he gets out of hand. Thirdly, she should hold Hal’s attention. Lastly, they suggested that she should love drama, because Hal’s a bit of a drama queen in the “I quit!” or “This is over!” and then leaving in a huff department.

Or

MH = S + PIP +A + LD, where:
MH = Match for Hal
S = Superheroine
PIP = Ability to Put him In his Place
A = Attention-holding
LD = Loves Drama

But the formula was only half completed. It needed to be a weighted formula and I felt some of the DCU ladies lacked the objectivity with regard to Hal. For example, they wanted to give the PIP factor a weight of 60 per cent, because they wanted to see Hal put in his place constantly.

Huntress especially didn’t hide her distaste for the guy. Heck, given the rumour Hal spread her participation in a threesome with Lady Blackhawk and Hal, I didn’t blame her. I managed to calm her down by showing her the tape of who was actually involved: Some blond guy called Maser and Ralph Dibny. Yeah, that was some bottle of Grappa. I mean, Ralph?

After we finished laughing about Hal’s taped escapade and lack of creativity* in replacing the names of those involved, I managed to convince them of the following weighted formula:

MH = S(20%) + PIP (20%) +A(40%) + LD(20%),where the factor called Attention-holding (A) has the greatest weight (40%) and is thus the most important factor to consider.

*Note: Oracle did a wonderful skit on Hal’s suspected thought process (which was hysterical in more ways than one) the morning after, “OMG, did I?? Did we??? And they weren’t even Barry or Ollie! Think dammit. I have a rep to protect. I can’t just swear these guys to secrecy. No, I have to make something up that’ll make me the envy of every red-blooded straight guy...again...Think, man...Think!...That’s it! I’ll say I had a girl-girl-boy threesome. Lemme see...Maser is blonde. What woman do I know who’s also blond? Lady Blackhawk. Yes! Ralph wears Purple. What woman do I know who wears Purple? I know, Huntress! Or is it supposed to Lavender or Violet? *facepalms* OMG, maybe I am gay. I mean, I knew the names of those the colours on the gay side of the spectrum, didn’t I?” *slaps his forehead*

Who knew Babs was such a barrel of laughs (or is it venom)?

Anyway, I fed the formula into the computer and let it run.

The results indicated that I needed to look outside of the DCU. Specifically, Hal’s perfect match lives in the Marvel Universe. We’re going to need Access to help out on this one...And DC hardliners, please don’t hate the researcher or his methodology, hate the results (if you must).

Without further ado, I give to you Green Lantern Hal Jordan’s perfect match:

Jessica Drew (a.k.a. Spider-woman)!

Below, is how she did factor-wise...

Factor #1: (S or Superheroine)
Jessica is that and so much more. Her powers are superhuman strength, speed, reflexes, endurance, heightened senses, sticking to walls (useful for keeping an eye on a flirt like Hal Jordan), an immunity to poisons, drugs, and radiation. She can’t fly, but she can glide. It should also be noted that Spider-woman is so super that she is another example of what I call the Great Spiderman Paradox that states:

Spider-man is great (some say iconic character) spider-themed character. Once a great themed character exists, it is nearly impossible to create a similarly themed character (whether related or unrelated to the original great themed character) that works at even a minimum level. However, contrary to expectation, the vast majority of spider-themed superheroes (of just about every comic book universe) work exceedingly well. Sadly, this is not true for non-spider-themed heroes.

Factor #2: (PIP or The ability to Put him In his Place)
Spider-woman possesses a “venom blast” (a focussed blast of bioelectric energy that can stun or kill normal human). I can picture Jessica hitting Hal with a zap to the back of the head when he gets out of hand.

Factor #3: (A or Attention-holding)
Jessica can hold any guy’s attention, because she’s a knock-out (even with the mask that’s evident). She’s also had her own solo animated series back in the seventies, voiced by Joan van Ark. So, she’s a celebrity of sorts and Hal strikes me as the type to lose his mind around celebrities. Then there’s her title of officially having the best-looking hair in the entire Marvel Universe. That right there should make Spider-woman a match for the guy who thinks he has the best-looking hair in the DCU and acts (read: poses over-the-shoulder with hand in hair) accordingly. However, as unfair as those advantages seem, she still has an ace up her sleeve: She can secrete pheromones that make any man attracted to her. Sniff around Jessica and you might never want to sniff anyone else.

Factor #4: (LD or Loves Drama)
She lives in the Marvel Universe and those Marvel heroes really love their drama. She’s been on a Marvel Universe team or four in her time and Marvel teams are like soap operas sometimes. So, drama is inherent in her life. More specifically, she’s been on a team with Iron Man and one side to the multi-faceted Iron Man can be best described as “Drama Queen Hal Jordan with WAYYYY more follow-through.” If Iron Man were a member of the JLA and didn’t like how they were doing things (like Hal ranted about in James Robinson’s Crying Shame), he’d quit and actually create his own Justice League. In fact, he’s done this twice or thrice over the course of his Avengers career.

But why would Jessica Drew even give a guy like Hal (with his rep) the time of day?

Perhaps, it’s out of feminist solidarity? This is reaching on my part, but Jesssica is a member of the all-girl Lady Liberators (which include Sue Storm, Storm, Hellcat, Tigra, Black Widow aand others). Is there a greater act of liberation than liberating an entire universe of purportedly the biggest manwhore there is in said universe?

Maybe Hal reminds her of Nick Fury (a long time friend / boss / supporter), who in terms of looks is a more tough-looking, eye-patch-wearing, version of Mister Jordan (back when he had the white highlights)?

Maybe it’s because Jessica is a Private Investigator in civilian life and is therefore more DC than even she knows? DC Comics is really Detective Comics Comics, remember?

Okay, I really don’t know why. This is just fanboy spit-balling here, people.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, without the girdle-construct...

Courtesy of DeviantArt user spunkywulf, I present this emerald warrior as you never seen him before.

He's still working it, though...His trademark face-hand proximity pose is still fierce!

As lifted from Chris's Invincible Super-Blog...

GL fans go here. Now!

Really. Go now and come back to read my other post.

Yup, there'll be another post today.

Green Lanterns are unique...

There are two mirrored lines at the end of DC versus Marvel cross-over referring to Batman and Captain America that go something like this:

He became one among many, but remained forever unique...

To me, this more accurately describes every Green Lantern. The concept of GL and the GL Corps exemplifies the notion that the powers don’t make the hero.

There’s many ways of proving this, but I’d like to limit this post to a look at how some of the more prominent emerald warriors view sacrifice and self-sacrifice.

Kyle Rayner is the Buddhist guru of self-sacrifice. On more than one occasion, he has volunteered to make the ultimate sacrifice – most recently during Blackest Night. Kyle doesn’t hesitate to make such decisions, because he’s content with no longer living as long as his friends survive (to fight another day).  He wasn't Ion for nothing.

Hal Jordan views self-sacrifice as part of his duty. Only after Kyle was able to reason with Hal (as Parallax) during Final Night* and appeal to his sense of heroic duty, did Hal help defeat the sun-eater.

John Stewart sees self-sacrifice as a form of redemption and as making a difference. With his Darkstar exo-suit torn to shreds and being essentially powerless, John took on Grayven (Darkseid’s kid) to help Kyle. This sacrifice left him paralyzed for quite a while.

Guy Gardner views self-sacrifice as a way to validate the sacrifices of others. Guy loves his friends and comrades – he really couldn’t stand it if the sacrifice of a friend turned out to be in vain. To Guy, sacrifice has to mean something and may use it as a ‘karmic comeuppance’ for any villain who disrupts his life, which has been disrupted many times before. Guy's self-sacrificial streak can be surprising to those who only known as the once obnoxious GL.

Alan Scott isn’t a member of the corps and in this distinction we find his take on sacrifice. Unlike Hal, he doesn’t see sacrifice as part of his (formal) duty, but as an example to be set. Alan realizes that any sacrifice he makes can (and will) inspire other heroes to do the same during our darkest hour. I guess it’s a golden age heroic ethic.

The powers don’t make the Emerald Warrior...

* Blackest Night? Final Night? What is it with DC and darkness?

True origin of Hal Jordan?

There must be other comic scholars who have posed this question, but...Did they create the characters of Hal Jordan and Captain James T. Kirk from Star Trek from the same mould?

You know, the charismatic hero who traverses the spaceways, has relations with many a human and alien female, doesn’t believe in no-win situations, and gets away with breaking various rules and directives while still being regarded as a great?

There are a pretty staggering number of similarities between the two... For example, I seem to recall Kirk also having to resort to the old “a-space-parasite-made-me-do-it” defence at some time.

Exhibit A: Both seem to share the same stylist.

Exhibit B: Both wear ridiculously tight uniforms (without benefit of a cape to divert the attention gawkers away from...um...assets).

Exhibit C: Both men have been called “a man among men and a hero for the ages.” Again, wearing ridiculously tight outfits will create such impressions.

Exhibit D: Hal Jordan has Barry Allen and Oliver Queen as both best friends and colleagues. Barry and Ollie have had many arguments (read: thinly veiled attempts to trump each other for Hal’s favour) over the years, which Barry could easily win/end in two seconds, but he admires Ollie’s passion for Hal too much.

Question: How does it feel to work with your best friend?

Answer: Much like working with your other best friend...

James Kirk has Spock and Doctor Leonard McCoy as best friends and colleagues. Spock and McCoy have had many arguments (read: thinly veiled attempts to trump each other for Kirk’s favour) over the years, which Spock could easily win/end in two seconds, but he admires McCoy’s passion for Kirk too much.

Seriously, Spock could end it like so...

...or like so...

...or even like so...

...but that's when he often sees McCoy's passion...

Exhibit E: Both Hal (Green Lantern: Rebirth and beyond) and Kirk (in Star Trek: Generations) were ‘reborn’ and fought alongside their successors.

Exhibit F: A river runs through it. Not only is this the name of a movie in which Brad Pitt looks disturbingly like the love-child of his director, Robert Redford, but also another compelling ‘coincidence’ shared between a particular Green Lantern and a Starfleet Captain. Allow me to elucidate...Hal’s surname is Jordan, the name of a river. Captain James T. Kirk’s middle name is Tiberius, which means ‘of the Tiber’, which is also the name of a river.

This is disturbing and off topic...

Exhibit G: Both work or have worked for people who’ve taken style tips from French Cardinal Richelieu.

One of the Guardians

A Starfleet Admiral wearing an outfit that makes his personality pop!

Cardinal Richelieu as style icon

Exhibit H: Both are prone to an unnaturally high incidence of grappling or wrestling with opponents and friends... Hal has the most powerful weapon in the universe on his finger and Captain Kirk’s phaser is set to stun anyway. So, there really no need to get physical. I could have shown a few images here to illustrate, but let’s keep this workplace-safe.

Theory of Retcons, Rebirth, & Reboots Involving Comics Kaboom Decision-making (a.k.a. TRRRICK'D)

As promised, this post constitutes my thoughts on Reboots in comics. As a bonus, to make the model more scientifically robust, I’ve also included other comic Inter-Comic-Bigwig-Writer outcomes of the Retcon as well the new flavour of the month, the Rebirth.

I give to you the result of exactly 20 minutes of painstaking scholarly research, a normative decision-making model in the style of a new-writer-interview-excerpt plus some occasional fanboy intrusion, I have christened as...drumroll...the Theory of Retcons, Rebirths, & Reboots Involving Comics Kaboom Decision-making (a.k.a. TRRRICK’D). Enjoy!

This is just a Theory, probably more accurately viewed as a model and thus a simplification of an aspect of reality. So, I've excluded possible Hollywood franchise considerations as well as special continuity (such as Legion). Also, with the inclusion of the Rebirth outcome, the model is more applicable to DC Comics. Well, only slightly. I'll also throw in my observation that the Rebirths of Green Lantern and Flash (explicitly) and Green Arrow (not named a rebirth) were fixing somethging that was not necessarily broken. Kyle Rayner, Wally West, and Connor Hawke were (and still are) great characters who were NOT less popular than Hal Jordan, Barry Allen, or Ollie Queen. Only saving grace about the rebirths is that they didn't kill off Kyle and company. What can I say about Reboots? Well, the only problem I have with them is that there are too many of them.Retcons are okay, if they are targetting the right elements. How about permanently wiping Bouncing Boy out of existence? Feel free to print and/or disseminate this theory...We must warn others!