If DC ever created their own FF - The Mash-up with a Singular Purpose Edition

To see my three previous proposals for DC’s own Fantastic Four, click here, here and here.

This post was inspired by this post over at MGK. The crux of MGK’s post was that Firestorm is too powerful and too stupid (when Ronnie Raymond is in charge) and has too any lame villains to be great.

Of course, because of this post the fact that I like Firestorm is well known. Also, let me make it crystal clear to everyone that I like Firestorm the way he is (except for the puffy sleeves), but this is just a proposal…

Anyhoo, I didn’t agree with the Firestorm is “too powerful and too stupid” bit and as creative person, I thought to myself: “Self, Firestorm is not too powerful and is not too dumb, but what if…”

So, here’s the team. The first pick is…you guessed it…

1] Firestorm

However, this isn’t the normal Firestorm familiar to fans. This is one is slightly different – a third at most. After teaming up with the JSA to fight Dr. Alchemy and a JSA big evil, ol’ flamehead is accidently (?) merged with Michael Holt a.k.a. Mr. Terrific. This new Firestorm now also possesses Terrific’s power of being invisible to technology as well as having Terrific’s intelligence (when he’s in the driver’s seat which is pretty often). Unbeknownst to the new Firestorm, the merger (and combined power set) has some dangerous consequences by putting him in the crosshairs of a new enemy that may be unstoppable): A Superior Artificial Intelligence (SAI) from a far-future possible post-technological-singularity timeline.

Okay, what’s a SAI? Well, nobody knows for sure, there are a gazillion different interpretations/definitions and the truth is I haven’t kept up with these debates in some years. Anyway, this is comic book writing and not Hard Science Fiction writing. In other words we can make a lot of crap up as we go along.

Theoretically:
· SAI will be more intelligent than any human being (think of it as an unfathomable mass of computing power or intelligence);
· SAI will be extremely unpredictable (to us, because we’re only human);
· SAI might be able to upload every human consciousness and if “friendly” it might invite us to this big upload – like being friended or poked on Facebook;
· SAI might be able to improve our intelligence after uploaded (if it so chose);
· SAI will be able to self-replicate (specifically build a better version of itself to replace itself);
· SAI might be able manipulate physical space on a large (e.g. terraform the earth on a molecular level)
· SAI will be uncontainable once it is “born.”

There is one big requirement (at least in my funny book story), the technological singularity must first occur. This is the point where our technological development reaches the point where a SAI can be created or simply develops from the critical mass of technological advancement.

So what is it about the NEW Firestorm that has this uber-powerful intelligence / techno-god so spooked? Is the SAI more scared of Firestorm with Terrific’s IQ or of Firestorm with Terrific’s power or all of the above? There may be some solid theoretical clues earlier in this post…Anyway, the SAI sends a probe (or portion of itself) to the present to go after Firestorm and 3 other heroes.

Funny thing about probes sent by SAIs, if they re-unite in future they might be speaking totally different languages, because they would develop exponentially in different ways…

The other members of the team:

2] Blue Beetle (Jaime Reyes)

I solidly believe that the Jaime Reyes Blue Beetle would be best served on a four member team. I’m still a Ted Kord fan, but Jaime really fits this story since The Reach’s objective will prevent the post-singularity SAI from occurring (being born / created). Yeah, this story is kind of a reverse Terminator story in a way…

3] Hawk

Maybe it’s the fact that Hawk represents Chaos or it maybe it’s the Extant time-travelling stuff, but for some reason the SAI really hates Hawk. Maybe it just finds Hawk obnoxious...

4] Green Lantern Raker Qarrigat

Ha! You thought I was going to say Dove, right? Where Hawk goes, Dove cannot be far behind or vice versa. Well, Dove is part of this story but NOT part of the team, because Dove represents Order and the SAI has identified Dove as a potential collaborator (say what?!).

Anyhoo...Raker Qarrigat – Green Lantern of Apokalips – is also another target of the SAI. Remember, the SAI can cut through many foggy logic swamps to come to the most elegant of conclusions.

The biggest threat to any earth-based SAI developing is the prior development of an alien SAI. The assumption is that another SAI would be hostile toward other SAIs or On-the-verge-of-SAI civilizations. Surveying the universe (and other dimensions), Apokalips is a prime candidate for the development of a rival SAI but for one little impediment: Darkseid and the gang. While Darkseid is in power an Apokaliptian SAI will not be allowed to develop for the simple reason that heads cannot bow when part of a SAI and there can be no Great Darkseid when SAI of Apokalips encompasses everything and everyone. There will be no hunger dogs.

The SAI has identified Raker Qarrigat as the biggest threat to Darkseid’s rule. So, it follows remove Raker, remove the possibility of a rival (probably more advanced) SAI that could come along to destroy Earth’s SAI.

The name game:

So, what do I call this team? Any Ideas?

Young troublemakers can become explosive older troublemakers, sometimes in a good way...

Inspired by this post from The Cool Kids Table about Damage, which reminded me about Arsenal’s (Roy Harper’s) “You’re not good enough to be a hero/titan!” mentoring treatment of Damage.

Given what has happened to Roy in recent time (specifically his arm), wouldn’t it have been interesting if Damage were alive, suddenly popped up in front of Roy, pointed at his robo-arm and said, “ Haha!” (ala Nelson from the Simpsons).

[Of course, this scene could be extended to include the following: “Or that’s what I could’ve said, but I’m better than that. Remember that, old mentor. I could’ve kicked while you were down, but I chose not to…”]

Okay, I said interesting not nice or mildly appropriate.

Heck, I only mention this weird scenario, because that what I saw Damage as back in the Titans days: A young adult, ever so slightly more mature version of Nelson with the power to explode.

Compare…

This is Damage's original look:

This is Nelson:

There a few similarities. Both have explosive personalities. There’s the brown hair thing and bit about their dads not being around.

That’s seals it: DC owes Matt Groening some dough!

Some Post-Blackest Night observations

I’ve purposely waited a week to make any comment on the Blackest Night finale and the series as a whole. But now that I’ve gathered my thoughts, I can reveal my major peeves about the crossover:

1] Hal Jordan is the ultimate hero of this piece.

I saw it coming before Blackest Night started, but I had hoped Geoff Johns would surprise me. However, he still views Hal Jordan as the coolest guy in the universe and probably has several t-shirts to prove it. At this stage Johns needs a Hal Jordan blow-up doll really bad and I might spring for a hotel suite so he can it out of his system.

2] Deputizing Lex Luthor and co into the rainbow corps.

Disliking Lex as a Lantern isn’t surprising to me, since I hate most of the non-green ring-wielding variety of corps. There, I said it. I only like the Red and Yellow lanterns, but I think there should only one red ring and one yellow ring. Maybe red and/or yellow rings could it seek out different wearers on different occasions. The red lantern story could not only be a ‘who is the angriest hero/villain in the DCU at a specific moment in time’, but could also explore ‘why hero/villain is so angry’ and that’s already two sides of a story. Ditto the Yellow ring. Alternatively, maybe DC could make The Quest for the One True Red Lantern their next big event and then The Quest for the One True Yellow Lantern could follow that.

Back to Lex: I thought they tried to make him relevant to a story that was a bit beyond his circle.

The other deputies? The thing with Scarecrow becoming a Yellow Lantern is perhaps an interesting idea, but it could cause DC more problems than they can handle if made permanent. The Star Sapphire Wonder Woman seemed really unnecessary.

3] They didn’t resurrect Ted Kord.

This was also predictable since bringing Ted back would reverse what That Writer has done and whatever That Writer does is considered DC canon the instant he does it. Johns is smart enough to not undo anything That Writer writes or suggests to others to write, because that would be heresy and threaten to split DC in two.

Also, while alive Ted Kord was one of the heroes who spent the least amount of time on-page with Hal Jordan EVAR. Go back through your back issues. You’ll see I’m right. Now, if Ted had begged to be on Jordan’s JLE way back and sucked up to Hal, Hal would’ve talked to him more and in turn Johns might’ve liked Ted more. Since Hal is the cool kid and doesn’t talk to Ted, Ted must not be cool enough to resurrect in Geoff John’s opinion.

Although, Ted is back in some form in Booster Gold...

4] The whole Kendra-Shayera thing

I’m not going to say a lot here. I shall however say this: I love Kendra and have always sort of hated Shayera. Don’t ask me why, because Shayera isn’t anywhere as annoying as Donna Troy. Kendra's got so much spunk while (for me) Shayera is just sort of there.

Here’s hoping Brightest Day pans out well.

The Missing Link: A Nostalgic Look back at a Universe lost...

The year was 1994. A year or so before, the comics industry had been turned on its head by ‘greedy little punks of Image’ or ‘the second coming of comic creativity’, depending on who you asked.

The dominant player in the market, Marvel, was seeing evil shadows in every obscure corner. Smaller publishers were springing up everywhere Marvel bosses looked, but one of Marvel’s eyes was ever aimed in DC’s direction to scope out their fiercest competitor’s next move.

Fear makes even market leaders do strange things and Marvel was no exception. The Marvellous Ones found out that DC had been in negotiations to buy the Ultraverse line of superhero comics (originally started around 1993 by Malibu Comics). So, in a move motivated by the threat a combined Ultraverse-DCU would represent, Marvel scooped up the Ultraverse.

For those who don’t the Ultraverse from a bar of soap, their most recognizable character was Prime.

I'm number one 

at...body-building!

Some of you may also remember a Nightman television series, which was pretty dodgy. Well, his comic book incarnation (created by Steve Englehart) was a lot better that the minimal budget version from tv-land.

There was even a short-lived animated series based on their flagship superhero team, Ultra-Force.

Better yet, the Ultraverse created their own unique four-hero team called The Solution that was quite far removed from the Fantastic Four. Their members included Tech (their leader), Dropkick, Shadowmage, and Outrage. See, really different from Stretcho and co. It can be done.

There was also Strangers, a team or group whose premise and origin is strikingly similar to a recent hit tv show as this post explicitly suggests. It also gives us insight into why these heroes haven't graced any comic pages again.

Anyhoo, when Marvel took over, they arranged crossovers and new titles (including a new Marvelized version of Exiles).

Key to doing the REVAMPED titles was filling the Ultraverse with Marvel hero expatriates for some reason. In fact, they went really overboard in a lot of instances.

Of course, they hadn’t anticipated the collapse of the funny-book market around 1995. In typical Marvel fashion, a decision was made to euthanize the Ultraverse (even though sales were reasonable).

A while back, I came across this post, which REALLY mirrors my experiences with and sentiments about the Ultraverse. Of course, I lost the link some time ago, but now I've rediscovered it. It’s a bit of fanboy nostalgia about a universe gone too soon.

Of course, the the fact that Mickey Mouse and the gang have taken over Marvel, has some people wondering if we'll see the Ultraverse again.

The truth about Dan Didio...

Years ago, when a comic book writer whose writing I dislike (present tense, because I still do) became way too influential for my liking, I left the whole comic book reading thing all together. And that was just a writer.

What am I to do when I see the bloody fingerprints of The Boss of my favourite superhero comic publisher on everything I don’t like about said publisher?

I don’t know yet, but the first step in my process is to research the problem.

Question:
Who is Dan Didio?

Answer:
Dan is OBVIOUSLY a Marvel plant. A sleeper saboteur, if you will.

How do I know this?

Exhibit A:
The one thing Marvel has over DC is far less complicated continuity. Didio knows this, yet he green lit several major events that seemed to have the primary function of loading another level of complications onto DC continuity (Infinite Crisis, Countdown, and Final Crisis, I’m looking at you). And then, last I heard, Dan got the same writer I mentioned at the start of this post to pen something called Multiverse (which could be disastrous knowing how great Final Crisis turned out). Be afraid, people.

Exhibit B:
Before Didio’s reign, DC killed off about one popular character per decade. During this Didio age, characters with big, small, and medium-sized followings are getting killed off every six months. This type erosion of intellectual property and fan base is exactly what I would want if I were the Marvel bosses.

Exhibit C:
This is one is the most conclusive piece of evidence I have and that is: His name is Dan Didio. Who chooses names like that? Marvel. That’s who! Here are some examples: Bruce Banner, Peter Parker, Reed Richards, Susan Storm, Rich Rider, Scott Summers, Matt Murdock, Warren Worthington, Victor Von Doom, Wade Wilson, and many others.

I rest my case.

Theory of Retcons, Rebirth, & Reboots Involving Comics Kaboom Decision-making (a.k.a. TRRRICK'D)

As promised, this post constitutes my thoughts on Reboots in comics. As a bonus, to make the model more scientifically robust, I’ve also included other comic Inter-Comic-Bigwig-Writer outcomes of the Retcon as well the new flavour of the month, the Rebirth.

I give to you the result of exactly 20 minutes of painstaking scholarly research, a normative decision-making model in the style of a new-writer-interview-excerpt plus some occasional fanboy intrusion, I have christened as...drumroll...the Theory of Retcons, Rebirths, & Reboots Involving Comics Kaboom Decision-making (a.k.a. TRRRICK’D). Enjoy!

This is just a Theory, probably more accurately viewed as a model and thus a simplification of an aspect of reality. So, I've excluded possible Hollywood franchise considerations as well as special continuity (such as Legion). Also, with the inclusion of the Rebirth outcome, the model is more applicable to DC Comics. Well, only slightly. I'll also throw in my observation that the Rebirths of Green Lantern and Flash (explicitly) and Green Arrow (not named a rebirth) were fixing somethging that was not necessarily broken. Kyle Rayner, Wally West, and Connor Hawke were (and still are) great characters who were NOT less popular than Hal Jordan, Barry Allen, or Ollie Queen. Only saving grace about the rebirths is that they didn't kill off Kyle and company. What can I say about Reboots? Well, the only problem I have with them is that there are too many of them.Retcons are okay, if they are targetting the right elements. How about permanently wiping Bouncing Boy out of existence? Feel free to print and/or disseminate this theory...We must warn others!