If DC ever created their own FF - The Mash-up with a Singular Purpose Edition

To see my three previous proposals for DC’s own Fantastic Four, click here, here and here.

This post was inspired by this post over at MGK. The crux of MGK’s post was that Firestorm is too powerful and too stupid (when Ronnie Raymond is in charge) and has too any lame villains to be great.

Of course, because of this post the fact that I like Firestorm is well known. Also, let me make it crystal clear to everyone that I like Firestorm the way he is (except for the puffy sleeves), but this is just a proposal…

Anyhoo, I didn’t agree with the Firestorm is “too powerful and too stupid” bit and as creative person, I thought to myself: “Self, Firestorm is not too powerful and is not too dumb, but what if…”

So, here’s the team. The first pick is…you guessed it…

1] Firestorm

However, this isn’t the normal Firestorm familiar to fans. This is one is slightly different – a third at most. After teaming up with the JSA to fight Dr. Alchemy and a JSA big evil, ol’ flamehead is accidently (?) merged with Michael Holt a.k.a. Mr. Terrific. This new Firestorm now also possesses Terrific’s power of being invisible to technology as well as having Terrific’s intelligence (when he’s in the driver’s seat which is pretty often). Unbeknownst to the new Firestorm, the merger (and combined power set) has some dangerous consequences by putting him in the crosshairs of a new enemy that may be unstoppable): A Superior Artificial Intelligence (SAI) from a far-future possible post-technological-singularity timeline.

Okay, what’s a SAI? Well, nobody knows for sure, there are a gazillion different interpretations/definitions and the truth is I haven’t kept up with these debates in some years. Anyway, this is comic book writing and not Hard Science Fiction writing. In other words we can make a lot of crap up as we go along.

Theoretically:
· SAI will be more intelligent than any human being (think of it as an unfathomable mass of computing power or intelligence);
· SAI will be extremely unpredictable (to us, because we’re only human);
· SAI might be able to upload every human consciousness and if “friendly” it might invite us to this big upload – like being friended or poked on Facebook;
· SAI might be able to improve our intelligence after uploaded (if it so chose);
· SAI will be able to self-replicate (specifically build a better version of itself to replace itself);
· SAI might be able manipulate physical space on a large (e.g. terraform the earth on a molecular level)
· SAI will be uncontainable once it is “born.”

There is one big requirement (at least in my funny book story), the technological singularity must first occur. This is the point where our technological development reaches the point where a SAI can be created or simply develops from the critical mass of technological advancement.

So what is it about the NEW Firestorm that has this uber-powerful intelligence / techno-god so spooked? Is the SAI more scared of Firestorm with Terrific’s IQ or of Firestorm with Terrific’s power or all of the above? There may be some solid theoretical clues earlier in this post…Anyway, the SAI sends a probe (or portion of itself) to the present to go after Firestorm and 3 other heroes.

Funny thing about probes sent by SAIs, if they re-unite in future they might be speaking totally different languages, because they would develop exponentially in different ways…

The other members of the team:

2] Blue Beetle (Jaime Reyes)

I solidly believe that the Jaime Reyes Blue Beetle would be best served on a four member team. I’m still a Ted Kord fan, but Jaime really fits this story since The Reach’s objective will prevent the post-singularity SAI from occurring (being born / created). Yeah, this story is kind of a reverse Terminator story in a way…

3] Hawk

Maybe it’s the fact that Hawk represents Chaos or it maybe it’s the Extant time-travelling stuff, but for some reason the SAI really hates Hawk. Maybe it just finds Hawk obnoxious...

4] Green Lantern Raker Qarrigat

Ha! You thought I was going to say Dove, right? Where Hawk goes, Dove cannot be far behind or vice versa. Well, Dove is part of this story but NOT part of the team, because Dove represents Order and the SAI has identified Dove as a potential collaborator (say what?!).

Anyhoo...Raker Qarrigat – Green Lantern of Apokalips – is also another target of the SAI. Remember, the SAI can cut through many foggy logic swamps to come to the most elegant of conclusions.

The biggest threat to any earth-based SAI developing is the prior development of an alien SAI. The assumption is that another SAI would be hostile toward other SAIs or On-the-verge-of-SAI civilizations. Surveying the universe (and other dimensions), Apokalips is a prime candidate for the development of a rival SAI but for one little impediment: Darkseid and the gang. While Darkseid is in power an Apokaliptian SAI will not be allowed to develop for the simple reason that heads cannot bow when part of a SAI and there can be no Great Darkseid when SAI of Apokalips encompasses everything and everyone. There will be no hunger dogs.

The SAI has identified Raker Qarrigat as the biggest threat to Darkseid’s rule. So, it follows remove Raker, remove the possibility of a rival (probably more advanced) SAI that could come along to destroy Earth’s SAI.

The name game:

So, what do I call this team? Any Ideas?

Mary Pickford - the hero remix...

I while back I came across this weirdly listenable song called Mary Pickford. It's about United Artists...You guys do watch movies, right?



Anyway, here are some of the lyrics:

Mary Pickford used to eat roses
Thought that they'd make her beautiful and they did,
One supposes.

Douglas Fairbanks, he was so handsome,
He wore a moustache,
Must-a had much cash, too,
Worth a king's ransom,

Charlie Chaplin, he was invited,
When these artists became united.
When these artists became united.

David Griffith worked as an extra,
Then as a stagehand,
Until they let him be
A director

Dave was brave, a mover and shaker,
A true pioneer,
He seemed to show no fear,
A real film maker

Just like Chaplin, he was invited,
When these artists became united.
When these artists became united.

They tied the knot together,
Groom and bride couldn't hide their pleasure.
They tried to pick fair weather,
But love died, didn't last forever.

I don't know about you out there, but I immediately thought about doing a JLI remix. Enjoy (and try singing it). Better yet, try to compose something better.

Martian Manhunter used to eat Oreos
Thought that they contained no lard but they did,
One supposes.

Michael Jon Carter, came from the Future
He wore a gold suit,
Must-a won much loot, too,
Worth a jackpot,

Ice Maiden, she was invited,
When these heroes became united.
When these heroes became united.
Theodore Kord worked as an sidekick,
Then as a hero,
Until they let him be
A martyr

Ted was brave,  inventor and acrobat,
A true pioneer,
He seemed to show no fear,
Swordless musketeer

Just like Tora, he was invited,
When these heroes became united.
When these heroes became united.

They banded together,
Heroes and teammates couldn't hide their pleasure.
They tried to pick fair weather,
But they were disbanded, didn't last forever.

Yes, please compose better lyrics...sigh

Trading Card Regrets and random thought linkages

I have a few trading card sets lying around the house and one of my big regrets is that I didn’t buy more of the DC vs. Marvel collection, because (a) they were awesome, (b) they were drawn by a variety of top-notch artists, and (c) some of those two-character images might never be seen again due to respective continuities (characters dying or being replaced).

Case in point:

Blue Beetle (Ted Kord) and Spider-woman (Julia Carpenter), as drawn by Jim Calafiori.

Speaking of Spider-woman, in a post in which I referred to the Jessica Drew version of Spider-woman, I misquoted the Great Spider-man Paradox. By the way, both Spider-women exist at the same time on the same Earth with no trouble at all and there is/was even a third Spider-woman in the Marvel U – hint, hint, DC? Cough...Blue Beetle...cough...

Anyway, I went through an old file (really a big collection of pieces of paper) and discovered the Hypothesis’ original formulation. For one thing, it’s not called the Great Spider-man Paradox, but rather The Great Spider-Hawk Exception. There are extra hawk bits that I omitted.

Here is The Great Spider-Hawk Exception:

Spider-man is a great (some say iconic) spider-themed character. Hawkman is a great (some say iconic) hawk-themed character. Once a great themed character exists, it is nearly impossible to create a similarly themed character (whether related or unrelated to the original great themed character) that works at even a minimum level. However, the vast majority of spider-themed and hawk-themed superheroes (of just about every comic book universe) work exceedingly well.

Until next time, make mine multiple heroes with the same name!

Yet another cut scene from JLA: The Movie (inspired by a discussion on art)

A comment I made a while back (about “fallen angel art”) at Comics Make Me Happy inspired the following scene (provisionally entitled “Underfoot”) from JLA: The Movie...Yes, sometimes I find MY OWN comments to be such a source of inspiration I feel the need to link to them.

When and where?
This is near the end of the first movie...The setting for this scene is Earth (Do we have to use NYC?)

Superman, J’onn, and Wonder Woman had just left for Apocalypse via boom tube a minute before. Booster and Beetle are relaying this fact to the rest of the league, who arrived after Supes and company had left.

The camera slowly cranes up at an angle that captures the league looking up at the sky above them.

Suddenly, there is a huge explosion in the upper atmosphere. In the wake of the explosion, we see a giant open Boom Tube and three figures falling from the sky (all fallen angel-like).

We also see an armada slowly flying out of the boom tube. Near the front, we see Darkseid standing on the deck of the main destroyer (in his typical “I shall crush this world underfoot” dead-stare-and-hands-behind-the-back manner).

“Ted, those three...It’s Supes and the other big guns,” Booster says, a shocked look in his eyes.

CUT TO:
A closer shot of Superman, Wonder Woman, and J’onn still falling from a dizzying height. It seems as if their falls are taking forever.

CUT BACK TO:
A medium shot of the ground and the rest of the JLA looking up. The camera then zooms in on Booster and Beetle.

“Superman!!!” Beetle screams.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll survive the fall,” Booster says. “You know, super-dense molecules—”

“You don’t understand,” Beetle says. “Look at his trajectory - he’s coming down right where I parked the bug!”

Why I’m seriously considering leaving any future fortune I may amass to start a “Give a hug to every British child” foundation...

Inspiration props for this go to LissBirds for her comment that mentioned The Question.

In 1983, DC Comics acquired heroes from Charlton Comics (Captain Atom, Blue Beetle, Nightshade, Peacemaker, Peter Cannon, and, of course, The Question). Just so you know, I’ve long been of the opinion that ANY AMOUNT that DC may have paid was a bargain.

Two years later Alan Moore pithced an idea for an end story for these Charlton heroes (including killing at least one of them).

Huh? Why would DC pay good money for these characters (or at least the rights to these characters) just to kill them off?! Jeez! What was Alan Moore on?

I thank the comic book gods that Editor Dick Giordiano had the sense to halt such obvious madness.

As everyone knows Moore went on to create Watchmen (keeping the story and replacing the charlton heroes with derivative, pastiche characters).

But what if DC didn’t stop Mad Moore?

Just look at the character key below and let your mind wander:
Captain Atom = Dr Manhattan
Blue Beetle = Nite Owl
Peacemaker = The Comedian
Thunderbolt (Peter Cannon) = Ozymandias (Adrian Veidt)
The Question = Rorschach

Before Captain Atom, most (if not all) of DC's male heroes (other than Green Lantern) were completely free to do what they wished whenver they wished. Cap is both hero and government super-operative. So, he's almost never has that luxury.

What would the JLI have been without Blue Beetle?

What would have happened if Peacemaker was killed off in DC continuity?

The answers get worse once you compare the characters (in a Charlton vs Watchmen fashion). The Charlton characters are superior hero for hero. For example, Rorschach is easily the most popular of the Watchmen, but The Question is leagues more complex than Rorschach. In typical Moore fashion, he overcooks the Rorschach character by taking the slightly paranoid (in a suspicious way) Question and morphing him into a Paranoid Schizophrenic. Rorschach is just the Punisher in a coat and fedora with a sock pulled over his head. No wait, it could be Judge Dredd in a coat and fedora with a sock pulled over his head, couldn’t it? Didn’t Moore work for the 2000 AD imprint in merry old England? Even at Vic Sage's most 'things are black-and-white', he was never as one-note.

But that’s the problem with the Watchmen characters. They all suffer from the Alan Moore’s premise delusion: What if Superheroes really existed? Okay, if they really existed, they would be either depressed or depraved or cynical or disillusioned. Just plain dark. All of them.

This is simply NOT LOGICAL, because it doesn't allow for REALISTIC individual differences in personality, cognitive resources, and coping skills across INDIVIDUALS.  [It also doesn't help that Moore views characters he didn't create as mere props.]

But Moore isn't alone in this ERROR. Garth Ennis and Warren Ellis also suffer from variations of this view and it could have been avoided if they'd been hugged more often during their formative years.

That's why I’m seriously considering leaving any future fortune I may amass to start a “Give a hug to every British child” foundation.

Why I SHOULD HAVE written Ted Kord: Rebirth

Obviously, this post is my version of mightygodking’s classic series of posts called “Why I should write the Legion”. Except, instead of a series, this is a single post and I’m not campaigning for DC to let me have at one of their biggest, most troublesome titles.

I went on a bit of a mini-rant in the comments of a recent post explaining my thoughts, attitude, and subsequent behaviour where Ted Kord (a.k.a. not the original Blue Beetle, but the one before the current guy) is concerned. After thorough introspection, I realised that I was hard on good ol’ Ted, because I didn’t think he reached his heroic potential (in part as a result of the Blue & Gold days).

My assessment of Blue Beetle’s potential has always reminded me of a coaching model called the inner game, which posits everyone has two selves. Self 1 is constantly giving Self 2 self-instructions while the person trying to perform at his/her best. This never has the intended effect. In fact, the self-instruction often becomes Interference. It stands to reason that if you reduce the interference, you’ll be more likely to reach your potential.

Potential - Interference = Performance

Or

Po – i = Pe

It may not come as a surprise to any reader of this blog, but the “i” in Ted’s equation IMHO was Booster Gold. As previously stated, generally interference is comprised of self-talk, but one could argue that the thousands of hours that Ted spent with Booster affected his self-talk in such a way that Booster (or rather the Blue & Gold pranks, schemes, etcetera) got into his head.

Also notice that I said reduce the interference and not eliminate the interference completely. Hey, that would turn Ted into Batman and no-one wants that :)

For more on The Inner Game, click here.

Confession time: I came up with this nearly a decade ago while Ted Kord was still alive and only added the word Rebirth and Reason # 2 for obvious reasons. My plan was to kill off Ted - for his own good. Okay, that “for his own good” bit makes me sound like a crazy super-villain…And, yes, yes, I know it’s seriously bad form to even plan to kill off a hero (in his prime?)

Okay, so now that I’ve explained why I felt the need to rework Ted Kord by killing and reviving him, let’s get back to the MGK-style answers to the title of this post. In other words, what were my plans are for Mister Kord (or the reasons for anyone to read the comic)?

Reason # 1: Ted wouldn’t have been reborn as Blue Beetle.

Reason # 2: I wouldn’t have killed off the new Blue Beetle.

Reason # 3: There would have been a joyful reunion and goodbye between Ted and Booster Gold. Think Frodo and Sam at the end of ‘The lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.’ A lot of joy, but also tears.

Reason # 4: Ted would have moved to Fawcett City to work in one of its many museums as an exhibition technician, but would have engaged in hero stuff all over.

Reason # 5: Ted would have had rather unfriendly encounters with Shazam and Doctor Fate.

Reason # 6: Ted would have defeated a Green Lantern...Say what? Oh, I forgot to mention that Ted would have had superpowers.

How would all of the above have come to pass?

Well, I have to admit that elements of my story and character redesign resemble the revised Dan Garrett (Charlton Comics) mystical version of Blue Beetle as well as the current Jaime Reyes (Grant Morrison-reworked) alien-tech version of Blue Beetle. The resemblance to the former is weird, because I only learnt more about Dan Garret version (beyond his name) in the last year or so. The resemblance to the latter is weird, because my tastes in character design usually differ from Morrison’s by about 35 – 40%.

However, I realise that just the name Blue Beetle evokes pretty specific imagery even within the minds of those unfamiliar with the hero. It’s that kind of name.

Don’t know whether this is in my blogger profile, but I have a rather strong interest in Mythology. Through the years, I’ve heard and read about myths concerning kings and heroes and gods travelling to the afterlife or spirit realm. One of the most surprisingly common elements is the whole “only those who are chosen or worthy may enter” part. Sometimes all that is necessary is a series of passwords or proving your identity.

The latter may not be as stringent as it sounds and sometimes it involves mere visual confirmation of special markings (the equivalent of a two-point fingerprint match where you would expect a ten-point match to be required). “Yeah, I guess this is you.” Remember, in many myths, heroes are often depicted as entering their “hall of heroes” in their battle garb.

This is where Ted’s rebirth comes in: The beetle markings on his costume cause the gatekeeper to mistake Ted for a long-awaited scarab warrior whose life-blood, like the Blue Nile, was prophesied never to run dry. Thus, when Ted enters this specific afterlife and is mistaken for the scarab warrior, they lower him into the water of life.

Side note of Nile trivia: If you travel upstream on the Nile River, it has two “feeder / source rivers” called the Blue Nile and the White Nile. The Nile represents the ebb and flow of life in Egyptian mythology.

As a result he would have gained life (materializing on earth) and mystical powers:
• superhuman agility;
• the ability to manifest energy long blades from the side of his forearms; and
• the ability to transform into a “swarm” of scarabs that can drain the energy of anything they touch. (Reason # 6 doesn’t seem that impossible now, does it?)

Blue Beetle is (or rather would have been) dead – the Ted Kord incarnation, anyway. Blue Scarab would have lived! Reason # 1 makes sense now. Blue Scarab is more apt name and just sounds more menacing.

Also, because there’s also a White Nile, there would also have to be a White Scarab (That’s what Reason # 5 would have been about – Shazam and Doctor Fate would’ve tried to warn Ted about White Scarab, a dangerous and evil dude. They would’ve told him that Reason # 4 wasn’t just a whim on his part and that there was a more prophetic reason his decision.)

However, this is where we would have seen that Ted is a different man from the pre-death self when he responds by questioning where all those dire, prophetic, I-see-it-coming warnings were when he died.

General Question: Shouldn’t there be a little more diverse reactions of the recently returned heroes to being alive? I mean, not everyone is going to carry on as if nothing happened.