I’d like to dedicate this song to Seafire...

As mentioned before, Keane is my all-time favourite band. So, I was taken aback when my local radio station featured ‘Somewhere only we know’ (incidentally Keane’s most covered song) in their Old School, New School segment (where they compare songs by the original artists with covers done by other artists and open the phone lines to listeners).

Anyway, my first reaction (before even listening to the New School version by Laura Michelle Kelly) was “Sacrilege!” (I’d never heard the two versions played back to back before)

By the way, Miss Kelly has gotten rave reviews for her role in the production of Mary Poppins on London’s West End and that’s no mean feat. So, she's not talentless...

Anyway, judge for yourselves.

First listen to the Old School version (by Keane):



Then, listen to the New School version (by Laura Michelle Kelly):



My thoughts afterwards: I still prefer the original, but I’m biased.* I liked parts of Miss Kelly’s performance, but it sounds more like the opening number of a musical than anything else. In addition, she may have had really good musicians and arrangers working with her, but Keane consists of a lead vocalist with a very distinctive voice who’s also a great songwriter (Tom Chaplin), a genius composer/songwriter on keyboard/piano (Tim Rice-Oxley), and a talented drummer who knows how to elevate a song with his contribution (Richard Hughes).

Okay, so what does this have to do with comics or Seafire for that matter?

I just realised that considering Kelly’s musical theatre background plus my opinion of the three members of Keane, it was tantamount (at least in my eyes) to taking DC’s Trinity (Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman) as a collective and comparing the group with Marvel's Dazzler.

VS

Seafire, as you may or may not recall, was a commenter who really came out to defend Dazzler when I got down on her a while back nad I'd like to read seafire's blog. So, this is an attempt to say, "Seafire, dude or dudette, you defended Dazzler with such passion that I'd like to read your comics blog."

More DeviantArt Fun: Public Displays of Bromance

Courtesy of DeviantArt User jimmymcwicked, I present the ultimate bromance or the bromance that stood the test of time...

Output from the MFET (Masked Facial Expression Translator) - worldwide patent pending:

Not here. Not in front of everyone. I have an image to protect! I’m tough and scary. A hug is so not happening...

Using the UPM (Utterance Predictive Module) of the MFET (Masked Facial Expression Translator) - worldwide patent still pending - this is what Batman will say next:

"Who am I kidding? Despite all your super-powered buffoonery and there's been a lot of that over the years, I still love you, man. Bring it on in for a hug!"

Holy eveningwear, Batman!

Last Saturday, Gotham City...

The boy wonder has been sitting in the batcave for over an hour, staring at the screen. So much so that he almost doesn’t sense that he is no longer alone.

Before his assailant can strike, Robin launches into a summersault, snaps his fighting stick to its full extension, and without looking takes a hard swipe at his would-be attacker.

His strike is blocked.

Robin spins around and faces his adversary.

Robin: You?!

Batman: Why so surprised, Robin? This is my cave, after all. Was that another one of those ‘no-look’ strikes you like to use? I keep telling you: Don’t fight blind. You won’t be able to see.

Robin: Sorry, Batman. I was just so engrossed in –

Batman: Engrossed? That’s a big word for...What is that?!

Robin: What’s what?

Batman: The screen.

Robin (sits back down): That’s what’s so engrossing, Batman. It’s the Miss World pageant!

Batman: A beauty pageant?

Robin: Not a. The. And they’ve just announced the seven finalists. Hope you don’t mind me crashing down here. I mean, the cave’s got the biggest screen and it’s HD. Ooh, Miss Canada is soooo cute. Not only that, but she even won the talent competition a few days ago. She’s got a soprano voice like an angel’s...She’ll be on stage in a few moments!

Batman (wants to give a judgemental stare, but his cowl is already stuck that way): Who are those women on screen?

Robin: Oh, they didn’t make to the final round...I think they’re the roommates of the finalists. They’re asking them about their experiences with the finalists. See, there’s Miss Australia. She’s Miss Canada’s roommate and...What the?!

Batman (settling in on the chair next to Robin): Is something wrong?

Robin: Didn’t you hear Miss Australia’s snotty answer to thequestion, ‘Did you get along with Miss Canada?’ And she’s like, “Well...um...uh...guess she’s such a special person.” What the fudge is that supposed to mean? What a b--

Batman: Robin! Calm? Discipline? Fear leads Anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to etcetera? Have I taught you nothing?

Robin: I apologise, Master Sensei Batman. Don’t know what came over me. It’s just that I hate it when someone who lives with someone else constantly salts the game of the first someone. Do you understand?

Batman: I can relate. Believe me, I can relate.

Robin (confused): Can I ask you a question, Batman?

Batman: Of course. I’d love to say ‘shoot’, but I don’t like guns...So, fire away and wonder no more, Boy Wonder.

Robin: Why don’t we get judging gigs at beauty pageants? I mean, Nightwing is always telling me how you and Superman were always at charity events back in the old days...

Batman: Nightwing is from the circus, so he possesses warped circus thinking and memories...So, those charity events never happened. I mean really, why would I, the super-mysterious dark knight show up at public events? And for charity no less! Bah! If I wanted to be charitable, I have any one of the Wayne subsidiaries make a donation...That's if I wanted to, which I don’t...Robin, let me say this once and not twice. As I’m always trying to tell everyone that works with me: Real heroes are above trivialities such as beauty pageants. I’m Batman and I’m both realer and more real than real. As such, I’ll leave the beauty pageant judging to the less real heroes or posers such as Hal Jordan and Oliver Queen. To recap: I’m the real deal. I. Am. The. Night.

Robin: Batman, from what I’ve heard of those two, they would really enjoy judging beauty pageants and being involved in some judging scandals...I still say Miss Australia just totally cost Miss Canada the crown...Just you wait.

Robin says Miss World Canada (Lena Yanbing Ma, a model/soprano from North York, Ontario) is Cute and Talented





Robin says Miss World Australia (who shall remain nameless) is Blond and Evil

Taken from the ‘Heroes need love and understanding’ forum...

TOPIC / THREAD: Changing perceptions after the fact

Anna_taz:
Here’s my problem. I only date other heroes, because normals just wouldn’t understand my crazy life or why I’m always in my stage outfit even on my day off. A long time ago I did some morally frowned upon stuff and it’s since resurfaced in the present. Now it seems that every guy I meet already has a tainted perception of me. I used to have a kind of fun, harmless life of the party image, but now...How do I change their minds without REALLY changing their minds?

Magic_redhead:
I had a similar experience, although I’m not really in the dating scene. I’m still trying to make up for it and make the one who matters understand that I was only motivated by love.

Pale_majesty:
I’ve always been considered a bit of a bitch in professional circles. I was the other woman and to make matters worse my powers are similar to his then wife and she’s (almost universally beloved). So, people like to compare her ‘saintly’ use of her powers to my perceived ‘borderline ethically questionable’ use of my powers.

Anna_taz:
Thanks guys. Is there anything more specific I can do?

Flying_quiver:
Anna_taz: I don’t know you and lack enough details about your situation, but here’s my two cents. There are a lot worse deeds than posing for a playboy spread.

Pale_majesty: I don’t know you either, but judging from your username (majesty?) you have a HUGE opinion of yourself. So, my advice to you is simple: Get over yourself. Yeah, you’re borderline alright...

Magic_redhead: You, I do know. It’s my life’s greatest regret that I never caught on to how unquestionably batshit crazy you were and possibly still are!

Cap_amorous (moderator):
To Flying_quiver: Son, the user who owned that moniker died once and never renewed his membership. I don’t know who you are, but you’re NOT him. I’m going to lock your IP address out of this forum permanently. God bless America.

Lime_cupid:
'...died once and never renewed his membership.'  Huh?
Cap_amorous, I don’t think that death isn’t quite the impediment to forum participation you think it is. Trust me.

Raving_bAD:
Lime_cupid: Actually, Cap should know you’re right as well, considering what’s gone on with him...

Anna_taz: As someone who has also done more than his share good intentioned misdeeds, I can tell you that Magic_redhead (hi) is right. Btw, are you new here? I haven’t seen on this forum before and I’m always trawling for topics. I’d never judge you. Can I send you a private message to set up a coffee date? I know this café in Paris with the best espresso. Maybe we can fly there for a cup...together?

I_Malone:
Anna_taz, don’t be so mysterious. Give us more detail. Please be as specific as you can about everything. Use this as ‘practice run’ for when you tell your next partner your side of the story. That’s the only way to change perceptions about you. Say what you are thinking. I always try to do this in my relationships.

Anna_taz:
I_Malone, do I know you?

Lime_cupid:
Raving_bAD, does Anna_taz really need to know you? You sound like a capitalist tyrant who thinks that you can buy everyone. Grab a clue card: You can't! Trawling, indeed.

I_Malone, you’re scaring everyone on this forum with your thinly veiled fascist interrogation tactics.

Clichés and Superhero comics: From Nature to Cap

I’ve watched a lot of nature documentaries (Natural Geographic and the like) over the years. Every now and then I’ll watch one about sharks. In about 99% of these documentaries, the narrator will say something to the effect of:

“Often depicted as mindless killing machines, sharks are misunderstood beasts....In fact, you are more likely to be killed [insert activity or type of death]. Only X number of deaths [where X >1] per year are attributed to shark attacks.”

To which I usually say, “No, there’s really no misunderstanding about sharks. If they attack you, you’re likely to die or suffer serious injury. X number is still a number. Sharks aren’t 100% harmless. On the other hand, in a documentary about lions or crocodiles, it is always made absolutely clear that no matter how few (lion or crocodile) attacks there may be, that it is best to stay away from these killing machines.”

Okay, I’ve rambled on a bit. The point is that the typical narration excerpt above has become a cliché in Shark documentaries.

Clichés. They’re out there. Even in superheroes comic books.

No, I’m not talking about origin tropes in superhero (subgenre) comic books. A trope is different from a cliché.

I’m referring to clichés that show up in hero characterization. One of the biggest of writer-sins (and it IS a writer-sin) is have the hero be your Mary Sue (the character that never does anything wrong AND/OR never loses a fight AND/OR gets spoken about in glowing terms whenever said character isn’t around, etcetera).

“But he is the HERO”, you say?

Sure. He/She is the hero, but even in single hero comic books, there are often other heroes in the supporting cast who should be allowed to shine from time to time. For example, look at Nightwing in the Bat-books...Okay, maybe Nightwing is perhaps a better Anti-Mary-Sue (See this post) - some fans have posited that Nightwing is there to make Batman/Bruce Wayne look good in his heroic exploits.

Another writer-sin is how other people (and even fellow heroes) react to certain heroes. See every comic in which a young hero meets the Avengers. Even if young hero has a lot of experience and has been around for ages, some writers will make this hero fall over themselves in fanboy-like worship and say things "OMG, I've just met the Avengers and Cap just called me 'son'...The...A...vengers!"

To which I say, "Wake up, kid. Cap calls everyone son. It's his thing. Hey, it's not like you met the JLA."

Yeah...The JLA (big seven) might make me act like that, but not The Avengers. Sorry, Marvel.

That's just me.

I'm SURE that you can think of many other clichés in Superhero comics and particular writer-hero-combos that tend to transgress every now and then.

The Top 10 Martial Artists in the DCU: The Definitive Ranking (a.k.a. Is Nightwing totally overrated as a martial artist or what?)

Imagine if you had to pick super-heroes as your team of bodyguards for an upcoming trip to a place that didn’t permit super-powered heroes, magic, or alien weaponry. You’d probably pick the heroes with the best martial arts ability...

The ground rules:

1] No amped-up, super-powered martial artists allowed. By ‘super-powered’, I’m referring to people with super-strength, super-speed, super-reflexes, healing factor, used in the commission of throwing devastating punches, kicks, or choke-holds, etc.

2] Only martial artists, not brawlers.

The ranking:

10] Nightwing

Seriously, he has been beaten nearly routinely by just about everyone who can put up their dukes and swing. Principally, that’s because Dick doesn’t fight to his strengths. When you’re not quite as skilled in the punching and kicking department but you’re number 1 in the agility department, you should not be as direct in your hand-to-hand battles. Instead, make your opponent miss with 3 or 4 consecutive blows and then hit an opening: Evade and Hit. It’s obvious.

9] Not Nightwing

8] Even less likely to be Nightwing.

7] Black Canary

She’s always considered top 10 material. Previous rankings put her within the top four (but then some of the other characters on this list did not exist at the time).

6] Azrael

This guy defeated Bane in like two secs. Azrael laid out Nightwing like it wasn’t even a mild workout. Batman himself has always been a little hesitant to take Jean Paul on in a physical match-up, because he might get his ass handed to him.

5] Connor Hawke

Connor is quite possibly destined to take the number one spot in this ranking someday. His metagene and discipline make a difficult customer. Nightwing wishes he was this good.

4] Bronze Tiger

As a non-powered dude, you have to be pretty tough to lead the Suicide Squad. Dude beat Batman a few times. Some peeps will discount the one victory where he came out of nowhere and kicked Bats in the stomach...Hey, wait-a-minute...Isn’t it next to impossible to sneak up on the Dark Knight or Lady Shiva without super-speed or teleportation as a super-power? Surely, this is also included in Batman’s training? Also, Nightwing hasn’t been able to accomplish this feat.

3] Lady Shiva

Nuff said. Nightwing flinches when she comes around.

2] Batman

They say He’s the yardstick. However, the yardstick has had been outclassed by others on the list (and off of it) on occasion. Except for Nightwing.

1] Batgirl

She holds a victory over Lady Shiva in a fair fight. Batman is green with envy. Has also bitch-slapped Nightwing a few times.

Arch-fiend revealed: From the files of the Bureau for Super-hero Research and Defence (BSRD)...

It all began when I dropped my mug while I leaning against my desk in the BSRD field office. The mug shattered. Then I saw the name on the bottom...Kobayashi!!!

Finally, it all made sense...

We’d been tracking consistent historical anomalies in the BCUS (Between Comic Universes Space) – decades worth of data just waiting for a model to fit it. The strongest variances in the BCUS were between the dimensional spaces of the Archie-verse and the DCU...Of course, it was there in front of me the whole time like a wall full of mugshots!

Archie Andrews is NOT a Jimmy Olsen clone, as many believe. Archie Andrews IS Jimmy Olsen. I not only realised this truth, but also deduced why.

Spiral of Evidence pertaining to Archie/Jimmy Identity:
Exhibit A: Archie Andrews and Jimmy Olsen have never been seen or photographed being in the same room. If someone produces “evidence” to the contrary, they are part of this conspiracy...
Exhibit B: Shared hair colour!
Exhibit C: Shared freckles!
Exhibit D: Betty Cooper. It has been well established that Betty Cooper is not a well girl. In fact, Migtygodking has elaborated on this here, here, and most tellingly, here.

Now, even villains have passions outside of villainy, not so? Jimmy Olsen is a photographer, but to protect his other identity Archie isn’t. However, if you look at Betty Cooper's room here , she’s quite the snapping ace. That’s why Archie ignores Betty’s obvious psychosis: If you can’t be directly involved with your passion (photography) for fear of your secret identity being exposed, hook up with someone who is involved in your other-verse passion. Live vicariously...through a crazy woman!

Okay, now on to the why:
Why would Archie have another identity in another universe of all places? Why Jimmy Olsen? If they were two different people (which they ARE NOT), what does Jimmy have that Archie wants?

Think. First principles, Clarice. What do we covet?

Superman. The ‘most powerful pal in the world’.

But Archie isn’t like most peeps who would just politely ask if their pal Superman would launch their Ex or boss into outer space. No, no, no. Archie wants a puppet – a puppet with super-strength and super-speed and super-everything, because Archie is E-V-I-L!

So, how’s Arch-Jimmy tried to accomplish his ends?
Method: He befriends Robin (you know, the super-mysterious dark knight’s brightly clad sidekick) while in his Jimmy Olsen persona.
You’re probably confused around about now. I mean, how does befriending Robin get Archie mental control over the man of steel? Don’t worry. I was too...until I was reminded of Maxwell Lord’s most recent death. [BACKGROUND: Max gained control over Supes. Supes was about to rip Bats apart. Luckily for Bats, Wonder Woman came along and lassoed Max with - you guessed it – her lasso of truth. So, she asked him how to stop the wrongness and, unable to lie, Max blurted out to kill him. So, she did.] Well, all through the Superman-trying-to-kill-Batman madness, I was thinking, Hey, Bats, why don’t you just reach down and pull out the kryptonite in your utility belt?

Here’s Arch-Jimmy’s reasoning: If Bat-dude has Kryptonite in his utility belt, he must have red, blue, orange, turquoise, or tan kryptonite stashed in the batcave on one those must be the mind-control kryptonite. So, the freckled one figured that being all BFF with Robin would be an all-access pass to the batcave.

Unfortunately, he underestimated Robin’s Wayne pocket money and overestimated Robin's closeness with Batman. Well, that and the fact that Boy Wonder thoroughly salted his game by insisting on building an HQ for the two of them. How Bromantic of him.

Of course, Arch-Jimmy realises that superman-control-via-Robin-via-batcave-coloured-kryptonite plan isn’t going to work. Also, that Superboy continuity punch during Crisis set him back for a few decades.

To this day, Arch-Jimmy and his partner in super-villainy, Brainiac Alt (better known as Jughead) are trying to hatch a plan that will work. All their chitchat is really code...

I leave you with this... The greatest trick Archie ever pulled is convincing people he didn’t exist in the DCU.