Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Top 10 Martial Artists in the DCU: The Definitive Ranking (a.k.a. Is Nightwing totally overrated as a martial artist or what?)

Imagine if you had to pick super-heroes as your team of bodyguards for an upcoming trip to a place that didn’t permit super-powered heroes, magic, or alien weaponry. You’d probably pick the heroes with the best martial arts ability...

The ground rules:

1] No amped-up, super-powered martial artists allowed. By ‘super-powered’, I’m referring to people with super-strength, super-speed, super-reflexes, healing factor, used in the commission of throwing devastating punches, kicks, or choke-holds, etc.

2] Only martial artists, not brawlers.

The ranking:

10] Nightwing

Seriously, he has been beaten nearly routinely by just about everyone who can put up their dukes and swing. Principally, that’s because Dick doesn’t fight to his strengths. When you’re not quite as skilled in the punching and kicking department but you’re number 1 in the agility department, you should not be as direct in your hand-to-hand battles. Instead, make your opponent miss with 3 or 4 consecutive blows and then hit an opening: Evade and Hit. It’s obvious.

9] Not Nightwing

8] Even less likely to be Nightwing.

7] Black Canary

She’s always considered top 10 material. Previous rankings put her within the top four (but then some of the other characters on this list did not exist at the time).

6] Azrael

This guy defeated Bane in like two secs. Azrael laid out Nightwing like it wasn’t even a mild workout. Batman himself has always been a little hesitant to take Jean Paul on in a physical match-up, because he might get his ass handed to him.

5] Connor Hawke

Connor is quite possibly destined to take the number one spot in this ranking someday. His metagene and discipline make a difficult customer. Nightwing wishes he was this good.

4] Bronze Tiger

As a non-powered dude, you have to be pretty tough to lead the Suicide Squad. Dude beat Batman a few times. Some peeps will discount the one victory where he came out of nowhere and kicked Bats in the stomach...Hey, wait-a-minute...Isn’t it next to impossible to sneak up on the Dark Knight or Lady Shiva without super-speed or teleportation as a super-power? Surely, this is also included in Batman’s training? Also, Nightwing hasn’t been able to accomplish this feat.

3] Lady Shiva

Nuff said. Nightwing flinches when she comes around.

2] Batman

They say He’s the yardstick. However, the yardstick has had been outclassed by others on the list (and off of it) on occasion. Except for Nightwing.

1] Batgirl

She holds a victory over Lady Shiva in a fair fight. Batman is green with envy. Has also bitch-slapped Nightwing a few times.

1 comment:

  1. lol...I love me some humor at the expense of Dick Grayson.

    And Cassandra Cain is awesome. I thought she was perfect fit to take up the mantle of Batgirl.

    Hmm...may I suggest Vic Sage be added somewhere to your list? If memory serves correctly, I think he fought Lady Shiva. She may have let him win, however....