Friday, September 4, 2009

I'm a cheating bastard and hero-slut: Fantasy superhero team selection controversy ensues!

First of all, let me clear something up. My fantasy team of four doesn’t have a name, because the whole quest was prompted by a broader question: Who are your 4 favourite superheroes?

This, to me and I’m sure many other superhero comics readers, is an unfathomably difficult question to answer, Yes, I said unfathomably difficult (too dramatic?). Keep in mind that I have read comic universes as far and wide as DC, Marvel, Image, Valiant, and many more obscure.

So I decided to change the question to: Who would be on your 4-hero super-team?

Actually, I’ve decided to cheat some more and change the question once more to...drum roll please...Who would be on your 8-hero super-team?

Yes, I know I’m a cheat, but if you love as many superheroes as I do, it’s impossible to boil it down to just four. Call me a hero-slut if you must...

The new question gave me additional team-composition / team-selection criteria beyond the cool hero criteria of Powers, Personality, Look, such as:
• Team Power Mix
• Team personality Mix

The team so far:




Wolverine
Why he made the cut:
Beyond the adamantium claws, healing factor, heightened senses, agility, and over 100 years of fighting experience, Logan’s personality makes him invaluable to any team. Wolvie simply never gives up, no matter how bad the odds are for victory. He’s incredibly loyal, but if a team-mate ever betrayed the team, said team-mate would eat adamantium. One-man-team-loyalty-programme? Check.




Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner, not Hal Jordan)
Why Kyle made the cut:
Yes, you read correctly. Kyle Rayner, not Hal Jordan. Now before HEAT sends me some hate mail, I’ll reveal that I have read (and liked) Hal as Green Lantern long before Kyle showed up. So, I’m not one of those 16-to-22-year-olds that have never seen Hal in action and by default like Kyle. The Hypothesis goes something like this: Will Power and Imagination are positively related to Green Lantern ring-use effectiveness. In less scientific terms, the more will power and imagination you have, the better you can use the GL power ring to create ring-constructs. Hal and Kyle are just about equal in will power terms, although no tests have been conducted. We’re all agreed on that, aren’t we? Yes? Okay, so then Kyle has to get the nod, because Mister Rayner is the most imaginative/creative GL in history, bar none. “Hal Jordan never grows tired of using a giant hand in combat,” said Sinestro
Why Green Lantern made the cut:
Green Lantern is the most adaptable hero (in terms of offence and defence) and doesn’t always have to go through opponents.




Black Panther
Why he made the cut:
This bad-ass is a great leader and, to my mind, a better strategist and tactician than any other Avenger. Yeah, it’s strange he hasn’t at least been made second in command of Earth’s supposed mightiest heroes. Being the ruler of scientifically advanced Wakanda, T’Challa can also fill the team’s science needs. Then there his vibranium-laced suit that enables him to move in perfect stealth, jump eight stories without injury, and run up and down walls. The suit also sports retractable claws and can generate handy energy blades. Not impressed enough? Well, there’s this little footnote: The dude defeated the Fantastic Four all by himself. Not many superheroes or villains have done on their first attempt...




Black Bolt
Why he made the cut:
Can you flatten mountains with your voice? No? How about Electron energy blasts? Strength? Flight? Can you analyze and manipulate matter? No to all of the above? Well then, Black Bolt has to be on the roster. This inhuman is also a leader – the noble kind. Like T’Challa, he has also defeated the Fantastic Four single-handedly.




Phoenix
Why she made the cut:
She’s a better leader than Vanilla Cy...I mean Cyclops. As Phoenix, Jean Grey is mad powerful. In addition, she’ll be the whole reason Logan joins up. And someone’s got to telepathically translate silence into speech for Black bolt, right?




Metamorpho
Why he made the cut:
Dude can turn into any compound he wants. He’s a former soldier of fortune, adventurer, and highly regarded archaeologist. This guy is a walking adventure-machine! Also, I seem to remember Joe Kelly (through the talking head of Batman) going on about how Plastic Man is Sooo powerful because he survived a few thousand years at the bottom of the ocean...Big deal. Metamorpho can’t really die either and his power is way better than plastic guy’s...flaccidness. Another thing: there are a lot of heroes who were just created for comic relief, but Rex Mason isn’t one of them. No, he’s one of the rarer few who are serious during combat as well as wonderfully sarcastic and cynical at other times. Metamorpho rocks!
Metamorpho to Batman: “And you stand there in a bat-suit and talk to me about being rational?” (quote may not be 100% accurate – almost two decades ago now)




The Vision
Why he made the cut:
Intelligence and intangibility are Uber-useful in all hero situations. Infrared and microwave radiation beams are pretty handy too...Also, every team needs one machine/android hero, doesn’t it? I’ve always felt that Vision’s calm and analytical demeanour is a vital component to the Avengers. But who does Marvel move to front of the Avengers spotlight? Ass-clowns like Thor and ego-maniacs like Iron Man...




Iron Butterfly
Why she made the cut:
Every team needs a winged member, doesn’t it? Granted hers are part of her metal armour, but still. She’s also a field leader, though more militaristic than inspirational or charismatic in nature. She’s a Ferro-kinetic, you know, able to move and shape metallic objects. Better power than magnetism. How's that, you ask? Imagine the team is lost and the GPS isn’t working, would you want a team member who is causing compass deviations? "No, north was that way a minute ago and now it's this way. What gives?" Also, she’s ruthless – someone has to help Wolverine when a villain needs to be permanently stomped...

This may have escaped very few of you, but I place a premium on leadership experience and leadership potential. Heck, a villain could take out two first line leaders like Phoenix and Black Panther...Oh noes! Wait-a-sec, Black Bolt and Iron Butterfly are there to lead the troops (or vice versa)!

You’ll notice that all of my picks are already on teams...
X-men: Wolverine, Phoenix
Avengers: Black Panther, Vision, Wolverine (New Avengers)
JLA: Green Lantern, Metamorpho
Inhumans: Black Bolt
Shadow Cabinet: Iron Butterfly

The unlucky ones:

The dead hero-guys: Killrazor (Codename: Strykeforce), Backlash ([well, not dead, but hopelessly under-used] Stormwatch, Team 7), Tezumak (Justice League America - last moment spent as a hero)

The Plain unlucky heroes:
Wildfire (Legion of Super-heroes), Shadow Lass (Legion of Super-heroes), Ash (Event Comics), Azrael, Black Canary (Justice League America), Die Hard (Team Youngblood), Black Adam (JSA), Gambit (X-Men)

There you have it! My fantasy 8-member superhero team. How would your fantasy hero team look?

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