Thursday, October 22, 2009

JLA: The Movie - How it should happen

In an upcoming post, I’ll be discussing (read: making a fanboy case for) which superhero comics I believe deserve to be made into movies or television shows.

Of course, one of those is JLA.

This JLA will be a big-budget movie will only have the BIG SEVEN as its stars. By BIG SEVEN, I mean Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern (Guy Gardner – hell no!), Flash, Martian Manhunter, and as the seventh member your choice of Hawkman or Aquaman or Green Arrow or Hawkgirl (as a modern addition). Okay, I have somewhat of a crush on Hawkgirl – she’s spunky and her abs are sooo toned. Perhaps, a fully powered Black Canary as the seventh member would make sense from a power variety perspective. Maybe, a BIG SIX plus a few supporting heroes plus a few easter egg cameos. We’ll let the studio decide.

And, oh, they’ll be facing Darkseid and the might of Apokalips.

During my movie-imagining session, I began to think about the actual mechanics of such a motion picture and then it came to me: Guest directors!

Michael Bay – for the slow motion “Off-to-save-the-world” walks - as seen in Armageddon - that the JLA have to do before they open a can of hurt on the evil gods. Also, Mister Bay will handle all the big explosions and the fire pit scenes. They have actually attempted this to great effect in silhouette-form in the opening sequence of the Justice League animated series (the one before Justice League Unlimited).

Zack Snyder – for all the slow motion fight scenes the leaguers will have while Flash moves at normal speed. For the clumsy slow motion bondage scene between Batman and WW, where Bats has trouble unhooking his utility belt...Before he can succeed, Martian Manhunter ghosts in to call them to the watchtower monitor room...Okay, so I’m not serous about this one :)

Christopher Nolan – for all Batman’s SERIOUS conversations with his colleagues.

JJ Abrams – for all the multiple-hero scrambling combat scenes where three of them are fighting para-demons, while two are trying to save some hunger dogs from feeding the fire pits (implies collaboration with Michael Bay), while Darkseid unleashes some other threat against them...chaos. Mister Abrahams is also great choice, because about 20% of the movie will be shot in the “shaky-cam” style ala Cloverfield. Why? Well, these will be the parts that will be seen the eyes of Blue Devil, who will be in the middle of a try-out for JLA membership as well as simultaneously trying to get superhero footage for a reality-based movie. Of course, the JLA want to reject them, but then a crisis occurs...

M. Night Shyamalan – for the introduction of the eighth and newest JLA member and the subsequent revelation that he was planted as a traitor within the league by non other than Desaad!

James Cameron – for the climactic battle and finale. Darkseid gets blown into a fire pit...Batman uses a boom tube to deliver something especially nasty to the Apokalips champions...

Frank Miller – for the part where Batman plants a Kryptonite-induced smackdown on the Darkseid-controlled Superman (ala the Superman and Justice League series of a few years back). This is also the best way to show how bad-ass the JLA is – pit them against their most powerful member.

Notable cameos: Mister Miracle, Captain Atom (I ‘m totally straight when I say that I miss his shiny butt), Orion

Think: Legends meets JLI (the whole Apokalips saga) meets JLA (during the wonder woman leadership age – just so we get the Blue Devil motivation right) meets the current JLA era meets The Dark Knight Returns (for How to fight BAD superman tips).

Trust me. It'll work. We just have to keep Bay and Cameron's visions from clashing ... and Nolan's inner editor from killing Snyder's inner fanboy... and Miller's lawyers from slapping a restraining order on Snyder.

It. Will. Work.

1 comment:

  1. Well, you can dream, I guess, but this'll never happen.

    The more I think about it, the more I think the JLA movie will have to be animated instead of live. It just seems like too much of a challenge to get all that talent together...