Thursday, December 17, 2009

Holy eveningwear, Batman!

Last Saturday, Gotham City...

The boy wonder has been sitting in the batcave for over an hour, staring at the screen. So much so that he almost doesn’t sense that he is no longer alone.

Before his assailant can strike, Robin launches into a summersault, snaps his fighting stick to its full extension, and without looking takes a hard swipe at his would-be attacker.

His strike is blocked.

Robin spins around and faces his adversary.

Robin: You?!

Batman: Why so surprised, Robin? This is my cave, after all. Was that another one of those ‘no-look’ strikes you like to use? I keep telling you: Don’t fight blind. You won’t be able to see.

Robin: Sorry, Batman. I was just so engrossed in –

Batman: Engrossed? That’s a big word for...What is that?!

Robin: What’s what?

Batman: The screen.

Robin (sits back down): That’s what’s so engrossing, Batman. It’s the Miss World pageant!

Batman: A beauty pageant?

Robin: Not a. The. And they’ve just announced the seven finalists. Hope you don’t mind me crashing down here. I mean, the cave’s got the biggest screen and it’s HD. Ooh, Miss Canada is soooo cute. Not only that, but she even won the talent competition a few days ago. She’s got a soprano voice like an angel’s...She’ll be on stage in a few moments!

Batman (wants to give a judgemental stare, but his cowl is already stuck that way): Who are those women on screen?

Robin: Oh, they didn’t make to the final round...I think they’re the roommates of the finalists. They’re asking them about their experiences with the finalists. See, there’s Miss Australia. She’s Miss Canada’s roommate and...What the?!

Batman (settling in on the chair next to Robin): Is something wrong?

Robin: Didn’t you hear Miss Australia’s snotty answer to thequestion, ‘Did you get along with Miss Canada?’ And she’s like, “ she’s such a special person.” What the fudge is that supposed to mean? What a b--

Batman: Robin! Calm? Discipline? Fear leads Anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to etcetera? Have I taught you nothing?

Robin: I apologise, Master Sensei Batman. Don’t know what came over me. It’s just that I hate it when someone who lives with someone else constantly salts the game of the first someone. Do you understand?

Batman: I can relate. Believe me, I can relate.

Robin (confused): Can I ask you a question, Batman?

Batman: Of course. I’d love to say ‘shoot’, but I don’t like guns...So, fire away and wonder no more, Boy Wonder.

Robin: Why don’t we get judging gigs at beauty pageants? I mean, Nightwing is always telling me how you and Superman were always at charity events back in the old days...

Batman: Nightwing is from the circus, so he possesses warped circus thinking and memories...So, those charity events never happened. I mean really, why would I, the super-mysterious dark knight show up at public events? And for charity no less! Bah! If I wanted to be charitable, I have any one of the Wayne subsidiaries make a donation...That's if I wanted to, which I don’t...Robin, let me say this once and not twice. As I’m always trying to tell everyone that works with me: Real heroes are above trivialities such as beauty pageants. I’m Batman and I’m both realer and more real than real. As such, I’ll leave the beauty pageant judging to the less real heroes or posers such as Hal Jordan and Oliver Queen. To recap: I’m the real deal. I. Am. The. Night.

Robin: Batman, from what I’ve heard of those two, they would really enjoy judging beauty pageants and being involved in some judging scandals...I still say Miss Australia just totally cost Miss Canada the crown...Just you wait.

Robin says Miss World Canada (Lena Yanbing Ma, a model/soprano from North York, Ontario) is Cute and Talented

Robin says Miss World Australia (who shall remain nameless) is Blond and Evil


  1. Miss Canada's dress is GORGEOUS!!!

    Okay, I didn't have anything substantive to add. I just really like purple. And thing which are shiny.

    This begs the question, would Bruce Wayne be above judging a beauty pageant??

  2. All I know is that Hal would love to judge a beauty contest.

  3. Actually, Sally, I think Hal would rather BE in a beauty contest...